A Hostage of Right Brain Disorder

It’s a little after 11 in the evening before the surgery…eight hours to go. Oooooooosh.

The nerves are starting. I think that I have the slightest inkling of what a death row inmate must feel like…it’s an immense foreboding but it comes with the rationalization that there is not the slightest thing that can be done about it.

Kevin M. emailed me from Florida tonight. It was one of the single nicest messages that I’ve recieved. I still concider him to be one of the very best people that I’ve ever had the pleasure to work around…and I still may yet bolt for the sun of Florida just to work for him. He’s that good.

Time to pack up the system and try to get a little shut eye…if that’s even possible. I love you all and I’ll see you soon.

Well, tomorrow’s the big day. Somehow it seems fitting that the anesthesiologist said that I would have an epidural for pain after the surgery. Normally an epidural is reserved for women during labor, but this is a case where the ability to completely kill sensation for only a certain part of my body is a nice thing. It also seems fitting in that I’m going to be giving birth to an 8 centimeter somethingorother, so a childbirth pain block is totally appropriate. I’ll update you on the birth weight as soon as I’m allowed access to a computer.

I’ve been told that I won’t feel like doing anything at all for the first week…not even blogging. I’m not sure that I’ll be able to handle the monotony…much less the screaming pain of nearly being cut in half laterally…but rest assured, I’ll be writing just as soon as I can get myself logged on.

Thanks to all of you that have already offered help and prayers…I love you all more that words can adequately describe. I will be back just as soon as I can.

In an effort to keep everyone that knows me from freaking out, yes, it is true. I have an 8 centimeter tumor in my left chest cavity that is going to be removed first thing Monday morning.

If you had told me yesterday that I was going to be the first person sent to Mars I could not have been anymore surprised than I was by the news of the tumor. Funny how that works.

I will be out of commission for something in the neighborhood of 3 weeks and rehab after that. The good news is that the tumor itself “looks” benign to the doctors, so the prognosis is very good…other than the incision half way around my chest. Ow.

Right now, I’m just equally divided beween guilt at inconviencing everyone around me and anger at the sheer inconvience of this happening right now. I’m sure that the “abject terror” phase will be later…I have it scheduled for around 4:30 or so.

More to follow.